Just a quick catch up

Today is June 27th. One year since Wyatt's official due date.

It's hard every day that I'm awake but I am thankful to my Heavenly Father for my BEAUTIFUL daughter. She's the best thing in the whole world and her daddy and I are SOOOO happy to have her and to see her smile every single day. She's amazing and worth all the pain and struggle to have gotten her here.

I always say the same things now every time I write but I can't imagine my feelings changing :)

McKenna is going on 15 weeks (3 1/2 months) and I can't believe how much she has really grown in that short amount of time. She goes to the dr in a couple weeks so I'll be able to give you her update after that appointment.

I have to be honest, I miss being pregnant and if I could afford it I probably would have another one right now LOL but that's NOT going to happen so hold off on your comments good or bad HAHAHA

I'm just so thrilled to soak up all the time we have with McKenna and enjoy every single giggle and dirty diaper surprisingly :) It's all wonderful and amazing and exciting and tiring  and stressful wrapped up into one.

Looking at my daughter really puts it all into perspective and it's all the cliché things your parents may have told you as you grew up. SHOCKER haha but it's all true and the way you feel love COMPLETELY changes when you look at your child for the first time. Even from the first ultrasound to the moment you hear their first cry to the first time they look at you and have recognition in their stare. It's all amazing and beautiful and wonderful and painful.

I continue to miss my son with every smile and cry from McKenna because I know I lost the opportunity to see and hear these things from him here on this earth but I continue to be grateful for the knowledge that I will see him and be with him again one day. Life sucks sometimes but there is always at least ONE thing to be thankful for and to live for, so be thankful if you can list MANY things that you can be thankful for because there is always someone facing more difficult struggles.

Enjoy every breath, every sunrise, every smile from a stranger- be that strange smile hehe

Love everyone and take a breath. It's not as hard as it seems. (easier said than done)

Time flies when you're having fun!!!

It has been a while since my last post- 6weeks exactly HAHA

Wow, McKenna is 10 weeks old today and I can't believe it! I look at that gorgeous face everyday and still can't even believe that she's here and she's mine! Wow, has Heavenly Father blessed me or what. I'm not sure all of what I can remember of the last 6 weeks but it has been an adventure that's for sure. Learning and growing and watching this little miracle change right before our eyes.

McKenna had her first Dr visit at 8 days old. Everything was great she was the same weight, 6lbs 4 oz but had grown half and inch. She had amazing pictures taken by Julie Andress at 11 days old and her belly button cord thingy fell off at 12 days.

I only had a couple weeks experience with Zombie Mom and I don't want to come across as anything but straight forward but Holy Smokes! We have a sleeper on our hands. Once we figured out her chronic congestion, McKenna has slept through the night (6-9 hours) since 3 weeks old! We have a couple nights here and there where she'll sleep a few hours and wake up because of her congestion or being cold but this is the best blessing I could have ever asked for. I'm telling you, Heavenly Father couldn't have sent a sweeter, more awesomely amazing spirit to James and me. It's not easy don't get me wrong, there are still times where I know only experience will help me get through some things but I'm just so thankful for this earthy angel. I still cry in frustration when I can't figure out what's bothering her but I think this is just New Mom Worries.

McKenna caught a cold about 6 weeks old and an eye infection at 7 weeks so she had a second Dr appointment between the regular physicals. He said there was nothing to worry about. She had her 2 month check up just before 9 weeks old and received 4 vaccinations. One orally and 3 injections. That was so hard to get through but I didn't cry! I wanted to but I didn't. She was a trooper. She did get a bit of a fever that lasted a couple days but was such a happy baby girl through it all- we knew all would be well. She smiled through her days of healing. This was the only time we were up with her more often through the night because of her discomfort. I would rock her to sleep and as soon as I laid her down she would wake up and fuss. Poor baby just wanted to be held. Of course I obliged and fell asleep many times in the rocker with her.

In this time we celebrated Wyatt's first birthday. That was the day McKenna reached 6 weeks old. I had a difficult few days surrounding his birthday. As I expected, but everything was ok. I was/am thankful to have a beautiful baby girl, who shares her brother's features, who smiles at me all day everyday reminding me (bittersweet) of the beautiful heavenly angel waiting for me in Heaven.

The way it all worked out, we blessed McKenna on the first anniversary of Wyatt's burial. I feel it too was a bittersweet day because of our remembrance, but it gave us something wonderful to remember as well. It also happens to be Cinco De Mayo haha. Oh man...

Anyway. That same weekend is also a happy time because James' sister Christy and my brother Billy celebrate birthdays on the 3rd and 4th of May, respectively, and it was just a good weekend to have all of our family celebrating something in one way or another all together. This year Billy turned 16 and was ordained a Priest in our church on the same day as McKenna's blessing so it worked out perfectly to have our family visit from Arizona. 2 birds, one stone  hahahhaha

We were able to celebrate Mothers Day with more smiles than tears this year. It was difficult for me because I wanted to just be as happy as I could but unless you have felt this loss it's hard to understand and you'll never know (and I continue to pray that no one will ever have too) but- I will never be 100% happy. There is a part of my heart and James' heart waiting for us in heaven and we will never be 100% here on this earth. We are happy and we feel happiness but that's not what I'm saying. With these milestones and celebrations, we know we are missing our son and nothing will feel normal until we are together again. I can't seem to get the words across like I would like to so I'm hoping this makes sense in some way.

I did receive a wonderful gift from my amazing husband though. Besides McKenna-lol- James spent months trying to get this put together for me without my finding out- and I didn't even have a clue. I opened it and burst into tears. This was the most thoughtful gift he has ever given me in out 15 years of friendship, 9 years of dating, and almost 3 years of marriage. (he's given me some amazing things but this was by far my favorite) James took all my posts that I have been writing in my blog since losing Wyatt and had a book made for me. It ends with my post about McKenna's delivery and he specifically did it so McKenna could have the story of her brother, and why her parents love her as much as they do. I hope it becomes some cool treasure that is found at the bottom of a closet that belongs to my great great great grandchildren sometime in the future when people live on mars or something. I hope to continue my posts and keep up with his idea and have a library of family history. I'm just doing my part :)

Anyway. I know so much has happened and changed and I hope to continue to write as often as I am able.

I started back to work the day after Wyatt's birthday and I spend all my free time with McKenna of course and the days just fly by. It's hard to find the time to stop and write what I can remember but I need to make the effort. It's midnight now and McKenna is peacefully sleeping. She's just the best and I'm just overjoyed. She has grown so much already- This past week she's been fighting to sit up, she can't even completely stabilize her head but she wants to sit up haha. Oh man how quickly they learn, she's going to be a stubborn one who develops way too quickly and gives her parents and grandparents heart attacks and she's just so beautiful- her dad already has plans to lock her away and hide her from boys. I can't wait to play out this adventure and see where life takes us!!!!

One month later! visitors and going back to work WOW that was fast

McKenna will be one month old tomorrow morning!!!

I can't believe how fast all of this is flying by, all of it- everything! wow I mean WOW :)
We are just so happy and in love, McKenna means the world to us and we just absolutely adore this little girl. She's such a blessing and a miracle. Honestly and truly she's just fantastic and I really feel everything about McKenna and my pregnancy with her was just wonderful. Heavenly Father really was looking out for me on this one. I don't want to sound entitled or anything else along those lines but, I felt I deserved a wonderful and blessed pregnancy this time around and a beautiful healthy baby girl. He gave me a "fast" and healthy pregnancy, equally fast and relatively worry free delivery, and a WONDERFUL baby girl who is beginning to sleep well, eats well, and is just honestly the best baby in the world! I know we all feel this way about our new babies but man o'mighty I'm just sooo thankful that McKenna is the way she is but I think she's definitely going to make up for all of her current greatness in her upcoming teenage years ;)

It has been hard, don't get me wrong, the lack of sleep and the every 2 hour feedings and the squealing/screaming while changing her diapers because we have to undress her to get to her diaper (duh lol) because she hates being cold- HAHA but she calms down fairly quickly and lets us move her around and be as loud as we need and nothing disturbs her as long as she's clean and dry and full. All of the "negative" things are just absolutely worth it when you have in your arms everything you have ever been waiting for. I'm just so blessed. Beyond blessed and I couldn't be happier. I have the best, most supportive husband and family who are all there for anything that McKenna and I may need and life is just great.


Now that McKenna has reached one month old, I am more comfortable with the idea of people coming to visit this little beauty :) I'm only asking that we keep visits short since she hasn't been around many people and I don't want to alter her eating schedule- so please don't be offended if she needs to eat, that will end up cutting visits even shorter :/ mornings and early afternoons are best for us in the next couple weeks BECAUSE I'm hoping to start slowly back to work after McKenna is 6 weeks old! This is a big deal for me, I'm both thrilled and scared about it but I know we need to adjust to having a baby and being working parents. SOO thankful for family- and my mom specifically- so close that are available to watch this precious princess while we are away.

Speaking of 6 weeks old. On that day, it will also be Wyatt's birthday. One year already. This has been so hard, the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I don't even know what more to say right now about it. McKenna is crying a little right now as I'm typing and I'm sitting here crying torn tears. Tears of sadness because I never got to hear my precious angel Wyatt cry and tears of joy because I've been blessed with the opportunity to hear my precious angel McKenna cry.

I may not know what's in store for my family in the future but I'm grateful to know that families really are forever and that we can eventually be together again and hold Wyatt again in our arms.

Mckenna is 1 week old today!

McKenna was born one week ago today! She has been such an angel in this short period of time that we have been able to get to know her :) She's amazing and fantastic and beautiful and just the best thing in the world!

Here goes McKenna's arrival story <3

We had a scheduled induction at the San Gabriel Hospital Monday night March 11th. James and I arrived at 8pm and were admitted and prepped for the impending delivery of this baby girl. I was hooked up to monitors and had blood work done and all that jazz. FINALLY about 11pm everything was ready for the nurses to administer the Pitocin. Before the medication started I was dilated to 2 cm and 80% effaced. This really isn't much at all in the labor process. Most women are stuck at this progression for weeks before they begin active labor. Knowing this, I was concerned that I would be revisiting a 36 hour labor process. Of course this was old fears and painful memories flooding me at the most inopportune time BUT you can't stop these thoughts when you are vulnerable.

I knew all was going to be great. My dad and brother gave me a blessing before we left for the hospital and James received a blessing from my dad as well. My pregnancy with McKenna was closely watched and monitored and we knew from the beginning that all would end fabulously with a gorgeous baby girl in my arms.

Thankfully as well, my contractions started on their own before the medication began- this gave me hope that things wouldn't take long. I couldn't wait to get past this and just have McKenna here and safe. As the Pitocin continued I dilated pretty quickly to 4cm and my contractions weren't too painful at that point but I did ask for some pain medication around 4 am. I can't remember what it was but the one that lasts for 2 hours... GRATEFULLY I was able to sleep for those 2 hours. With the knowledge that TODAY (Monday) was the day things would start rolling, James and I were up early and ran many last minute errands. The anticipation really kept us from being able to get that fantastic last night's sleep- but at 9 1/2 months pregnant how fantastic is your sleep anyway ;)

Pretty much like clock work, the pain of the contractions returned just after 6am. They were consistent at 2 minutes apart and getting stronger. My blood pressure was going up little by little but nothing too concerning. I was used to seeing my pressure at an average high of 120/60. Usually it was 111/56 for the majority of my pregnancy. The last couple months it would go up a point here and there. Also, you've got to love that final swelling from the IV- just saying. ANYWAY

6:30am came around and I had a strange sharp pain just off center of my stomach. Then I had to ask myself if I had lost control and peed myself or if my water just broke!?! I hadn't experienced that before so it was an interesting feeling... I woke James up and called the nurse. Then I had a couple of gushes like people say happens so I knew my water had really broken lol. The nurse was happy about that because apparently she had assumed Dr. Prema was going to have to come in and rupture it for me which would have us waiting longer for the actual delivery. As soon as the nurse confirmed I was at 8cm she called Dr Prema.

Because of my water breaking, the Pitocin was stopped and my contractions came on full force. I had asked for an epidural at this time and just after 7am I was calm and relaxed waiting for the final stretch (no pun intended haha)

My parents took my brother Billy to school and came to the hospital just after that, Dr Prema arrived about 9am and I was just over 9cm. Everything was brought in and set up- there sure were a lot of nurses and machines being moved around the room lol.

I obviously didn't know what to expect and from other women's stories and even the baby shows on TLC- many women push and push for hours. I was so afraid of that. Nothing else scared me- the pain of the contractions or anything. It was the pushing and I was scared I wouldn't be strong enough to do it.

Dr Prema said it was time and I was ready to push. I had James and my mom in the delivery room with me. This was it- it was time and McKenna would be here soon!

I pushed for 10 minutes. 10 minutes. I couldn't believe it! What an added blessing.

Just before the iconic last push Dr Prema saw McKenna's umbilical cord was around her neck. I didn't know, but when my water broke McKenna's heart rate dropped dramatically. This was because with her final drop from the bag breaking it put strain on the umbilical cord.

Because of this Dr Prema had to cut the cord and have me push fast to get this baby out and checked over. I don't think James minded not being able to cut the cord as long as his baby girl was A-OK.

They took her right away and I wasn't able to see her at first. James could see her, my mom could see her but from my position there really was only so much you could see. There were so many nurses as well that it was like a complete body wall blocking me from seeing my daughter. They moved her 3 times from one table to another then back to the first and it was McKenna's third trip from one side of the room to the other that the nurse holding her brought her to me so I could kiss her face.

I always have to share some TMI lol

With a vaginal delivery comes risk of needing stiches... I unfortunately I tore and needed 4 stiches but this was nothing compared to knowing I had just delivered a beautiful healthy baby girl. Because of these stiches James got to sit and hold McKenna first which is what I really wanted for him. I had spent the last 38 weeks with her experiencing things that he will never know. It was amazing to see him sitting there rocking his baby girl.

FINALLY after everything, EVERYTHING, I was able to hold my daughter for the first time. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I surprised myself by not crying. I fully expected my self to be a ball of tears but everything was just overwhelmingly fantastic and happy that there just wasn't room for tears.

We were in the hospital till Thursday afternoon and being released was the best and scariest feeling in the world. We knew we would finally be bringing a baby home and then again, we would be bringing a baby home! In the hospital you have everything for help at your disposal and at home it would be (technically) James and I and McKenna against the world.

It has just been amazing so far and I wonder when and what I will write about. I want to keep this up so hopefully I will find the time to just do small updates on McKenna and her progress as she learns and grows.

James and I love you all. We appreciate all your kind words, thoughts and prayers through all of our mountains that we have climbed and have yet to climb. McKenna is a blessed little girl to have so much love surrounding her. We can't wait to introduce her to everyone. She goes to her very own Dr tomorrow morning and we should have a better idea of when would be best to start slowly having people come see her. I just don't want to rush her and run the risk of her getting sick from over exposure. I'm thankful to have so many people who love me and understand. I just tend to be the one who overreacts at times and I worry more about everyone else's feelings- but I know everyone understands and no one will be mad at me for making them wait it out just a little longer to meet this precious angel.

She means the world to me and I just can't imagine life with out here. We've been home now for 4nights and it has been the best 4 nights of my life.

I'm sure there is so much more I could write but it's time to feed the baby :)

Love you guys!
Jen James and McKenna :)

Rainbow Baby

I found this on another mother's blog. I wanted to share it. I tweaked it a little to make it about Wyatt and his new little sister McKenna who will be here before we know it.

"Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

A rainbow baby is a blessing given to a family after losing a baby in any way. It's the promise of hope and new life, second chances and a new beginning.

A family who has conceived after losing a child will never forget that child, but rather, will appreciate their children even more because they understand the deep pain of loss.


The Dragonfly

Once, in a little pond, in the muddy water under the lily pads,
there lived a little water beetle in a community of water
beetles. They lived a simple and comfortable life in the pond
with few disturbances and interruptions.

Once in a while, sadness would come to the community when one of
their fellow beetles would climb the stem of a lily pad and
would never be seen again. They knew when this happened; their
friend was dead, gone forever.

Then, one day, one little water beetle felt an irresistible urge
to climb up that stem. However, he was determined that he would
not leave forever. He would come back and tell his friends what
he had found at the top.

When he reached the top and climbed out of the water onto the
surface of the lily pad, he was so tired, and the sun felt so
warm, that he decided he must take a nap. As he slept, his body
changed and when he woke up, he had turned into a beautiful
blue-tailed dragonfly with broad wings and a slender body
designed for flying.

So, fly he did! And, as he soared he saw the beauty of a whole
new world and a far superior way of life to what he had never
known existed.

Then he remembered his beetle friends and how they were thinking
by now he was dead. He wanted to go back to tell them, and
explain to them that he was now more alive than he had ever been
before. His life had been fulfilled rather than ended.

But, his new body would not go down into the water. He could
not get back to tell his friends the good news. Then he
understood that their time would come, when they, too, would
know what he now knew. So, he raised his wings and flew off
into his joyous new life!

~Author Unknown~


Wyatt is that curious water nymph that crawled up the Lily stem to check things out on the other side - Heaven. But as he was making his way there, he got weary and had to rest his eyes, and then God took him home to be with Him. When he awoke he was beautiful and had his angel wings and was healthy and perfect.

And he wanted to tell us that everything is okay. To come back and reassure us that he isn't gone for ever, that we need only wait until our journey takes us to him, but alas, angels aren't meant to live on Earth.

So we have to wait until it's our turn to climb the Lily's stem and be taken home to him.

And our beautiful rainbow baby? McKenna is the reminder that Wyatt will never be far from us. Every laugh, every smile, every coo, every cry, every milestone: Wyatt will be right there. Watching us and waiting for the day, whenever that may be, that we will join him in Heaven.

Soon to meet Miss McKenna

So much is about to change and we are so excited. Knowing that McKenna is going to arrive in mere HOURS, many hours but it's only hours and not many days away any longer, is driving me crazy with anticipation and worry thought and every other emotion under the sun!!

At the same time emotionally, welcoming McKenna will be bittersweet for us. We miss Wyatt every single day and I have wondered how I'm going to feel postpartum. I'm sure I will be just fine but it doesn't stop the constant thoughts of worry and fear. I'm just writing this to be open and honest. Wyatt would have been 11 months old next week and thinking about McKenna finally being here puts me in the position of thinking how things would have been, again if it all had turned out differently. What would we be doing, how much would I have changed, even- what theme would we be planning his first birthday party.

Life goes on but we keep our memories and love alive for everyone around us whether they are still here on this earth or watching over us from above.

I will be admitted to the hospital tomorrow night and my Dr expects McKenna to arrive Tuesday at any time. We will definitely keep you all posted that's for sure :)

Pregnancy Progression Post

We have arrived home from our LAST dr's appointment!!!!
I still have 2 NST's to attend and that's just to watch and make sure all is well with Miss McKenna as we continue this process. BUT as of today I am dilated 1cm and 50% effaced. She could come any time this week and if not we will be induced Monday night at the San Gabriel hospital.

We sure have been blessed this entire pregnancy and couldn't have had a better DR!!! I can't wait to meet McKenna and share her picture with you all when she arrives. We are just beyond excited and going a little crazy with anticipation now that we know we are for sure in the last few days before she will be making her debut!

37 weeks :)

Short and sweet-
37 weeks today! We find out tomorrow what Dr Prema is going to have us do, so after tomorrow's appointment I'll have more information for you all!

I normally post on Monday's because that's our regular Dr appointment day but we got moved to Wednesday this week so there's not much new to share just yet.
Potentially we could be welcoming McKenna in the next couple days!!!

Status Update

Total weight gain/loss: Ugh total of 19 lbs still until weigh in tomorrow

Maternity clothes: Stretchy shirts and pants hahahah

Stretch marks: Nothing new

Best moment this wk: The possibility of McKenna arriving!

Miss anything: Nothing that I'm thinking of right now

Movement: Absolutely but at this point because there is no more room for her the movement feels a little different than before

Food cravings: Nothing specific. I've gone back to feeling that I would rather drink something than physically eat anything. Obviously I'm doing just fine getting my nutrients haha

Anything making you queasy or sick: Garlic. I love the stuff but can't stand the smell when things are cooking

 Symptoms: McKenna dropped a bit and the pressure on my back hips is killing me. I can't even shift in bed when I'm laying down- You know that feeling when people say they feel like a truck ran over them hahaha

Have you started to show yet: I sure am, no question lol

Gender: It's a girl! And her name is McKenna Lee

Labor signs: Braxton Hicks... not fun

Belly Button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy and irritated haha

Looking forward to: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH NEXT WEEK AHHHHHH

9 months!!!

Oh my goodness has time flown by, with no exception this week either!!!
I had my regular OB appointment with Dr Prema this afternoon and I'll be heading in for my NST in just a few. I'm writing this before my NST but I'll post it afterward. Everything has been continuing just fantastic. McKenna has dropped some, she's roughly 6 1/2 pounds give or take and I don't have any preeclampsia symptoms! My blood pressure has gone up slightly and there's just a trace of protein in my urine sample but Dr Prema says this is all completely normal for as far along as I am. I couldn't be more blessed with this pregnancy!

So a little bit of exciting news though, I see Prema again next Wednesday and if McKenna has dropped enough and all is well, we may be inducing that day or in that week!!! I'M DYING WITH ANTICIPATION!!!! Does that mean this is going to be the longest waiting week of my life??? Oh well SHE'S ON HER WAY!!!!!!! Just FYI we will be delivering at San Gabriel Hospital. Our insurance felt I wasn't at risk enough to need Huntington's resources but Dr Prema is completely confident with San Gabriel and she enjoys working with them, so GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!

Oh man, James is a little concerned because it's for sure closer than anticipated but if she's ready, she's ready and whatever Dr Prema says goes!!! I just can't wait hahaha, while I'm sitting here waiting hehe

Oh man, well that was our exciting news- we will know for sure obviously come my check up next week what Dr Prema would like us to do, otherwise we will be waiting one more week.

STATUS UPDATE

Total weight gain/loss: Ugh total of 19 lbs now

Maternity clothes: Stretchy shirts and pants hahahah

Stretch marks: Nothing new

Best moment this wk: Hearing the possibility of McKenna coming next week!!

Miss anything: I'm assuming I will miss working for a short period of time, right now I'm not missing too much I guess- This is just the norm for me. Maybe I'll miss being pregnant HAHAHA

Movement: Absolutely but at this point because there is no more room for her the movement feels a little different than before

Food cravings: Nothing specific. I've gone back to feeling that I would rather drink something than physically eat anything. Obviously I'm doing just fine getting my nutrients haha

Anything making you queasy or sick: Garlic. I love the stuff but can't stand the smell when things are cooking

 Symptoms: McKenna dropped a bit and the pressure on my back hips is killing me. I can't even shift in bed when I'm laying down- You know that feeling when people say they feel like a truck ran over them hahaha

Have you started to show yet: I sure am, no question lol

Gender: It's a girl! And her name is McKenna Lee

Labor signs: Not too much- I'm having minor contractions that are being picked up on the monitors but they are nothing to be "excited" about just yet

Belly Button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy and irritated haha

Looking forward to: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH NEXT WEEK AHHHHHH

35 weeks

Another great week and everything is fantastic!
I'm still continuing with my NSTs every Monday and Thursday and they are going great-
I start weekly appointments with my OB next week and I'm excited about that :)
This weekend is my last weekend in the salon and that is kind of weird for me but I'm excited about that too haha I've just been having a hard time standing for so long.

What a whirlwind! There's really only a few weeks left if that and I'm beyond anxious!! There's always a new milestone with this pregnancy but the main goal was to hit 32 weeks- then 34 last really is 36 and I will pray every day after 36 weeks that McKenna will come ASAP hahaha

She's already over 5 lbs, she's super active and Dr Prema and my nurses are soo happy with everything they have seen by monitoring us- but who knows- McKenna will come when she's ready :)

STATUS UPDATE

Total weight gain/loss: So far 16lbs total, we will see again come monday

Maternity clothes: Stretchy shirts and pants hahahah

Stretch marks: Nothing new- they are there but not new haha

Best moment this wk: Still all of our NSTs

Miss anything: I'm assuming I will miss working for a short period of time, right now I'm not missing too much I guess- This is just the norm for me. Maybe I'll miss being pregnant HAHAHA

Movement: Absolutely, she's getting stronger and stronger every day!

Food cravings: Nothing specific. I've gone back to feeling that I would rather drink something than physically eat anything. Obviously I'm doing just fine getting my nutrients haha

Anything making you queasy or sick: Some smells are irritating again but nothing bad like before.

 Symptoms: Since McKenna turned, I have to pee EVERYTIME I stand up because of the pressure she's putting on my bladder but it's ALL worth it. Every little thing!

Have you started to show yet: I sure am, no question lol

Gender: It's a girl! And her name is McKenna Lee

Labor signs: Not too much- I'm having SLIGHT contractions that are being picked up on the monitors but they are nothing to be "excited" about haha

Belly Button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Eh. I have my moments like always. We'll see how that goes this week.

Looking forward to: Counting down- AHHH

34 weeks- a couple days late posting

34 weeks, WOO HOO... what else can I say :)

Everything has been going fantastic so far and we are just counting down now.
I started packing hospital bags for the just in case and the nursery is almost where it needs to be.
I'm late posting this week because we have been so busy with double dr appointments and James finally caught whatever was going around. :( Not fun at all.

Well, with all our monitoring and check ups Dr Prema is very happy with the way things are progressing. McKenna is about 5lbs now and we are aiming for 7. As long as all continues as it has we may just be waiting for McKenna to make her own arrival, any slight worries I will be induced at 38/39 weeks and worst case scenario they could induce/csection after any of my NST's. HOPEFULLY everything will only stay as great as they have been :) and we have nothing to worry about either way. I'm just so anxious!

UPDATE

Total weight gain/loss: I got weighed in on Monday- and I didn't gain anything so yay just one pound for the month!! Still 16 total

Maternity clothes: Stretchy shirts and pants hahahah

Stretch marks: Nothing new- they are there but not new haha

Best moment this wk: My double appointment day! I got to see McKenna twice :)

Miss anything: I miss not being so sluggish. I feel like a slow lump all day long but I'm still working but it's getting harder and harder to do.

Movement: Absolutely, she's getting stronger and stronger every day!

Food cravings: Nothing specific. I've gone back to feeling that I would rather drink something than physically eat anything. Obviously I'm doing just fine getting my nutrients haha

Anything making you queasy or sick: Some smells are irritating again but nothing bad like before.

 Symptoms: Since McKenna turned, I have to pee EVERYTIME I stand up because of the pressure she's putting on my bladder but it's ALL worth it. Every little thing!

Have you started to show yet: I sure am, no question lol

Gender: It's a girl! And her name is McKenna Lee

 

Labor signs: Little feelings of tightness here and there, very mild Braxton Hicks.

Belly Button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Eh. I have my moments like always. We'll see how that goes this week.

Looking forward to: My next NST tomorrow and just counting down till McKenna arrives :)

33 weeks! And everything's great!

 Another week down and a super active little girl is still baking away!

I have had 3 non stress tests so far and the nurses that I have seen are very happy with McKenna's vitals, and mine but I'm more concerned about McKenna. Everything has just been fantastic so far! Dr Prema is still hoping for at least 37 weeks and at this rate we have nothing to worry about. This is the biggest relief EVER.

With the territory, it has been getting more and more difficult to work as much as I had been and I'm sorry if that's an inconvenience to anyone but I just can't push too hard at this point, especially when all is going so great! My perinatologist had previously warned me that once it's noticeable, the damage of pushing my self to far, it's too late and I REFUSE to let this happen. I'm so thankful to have such a wonderful clientele who have been so supportive and understanding!

I'm just so excited to watch the days disappear, they take us another day closer to getting to meet Miss McKenna! How blessed we are, honestly and truly.

James has been actively preparing for McKenna too, he has plans for her coming home outfit and everything. He was even the one to remind me and push me to get a hospital bag ready and he's been having a great time helping me organize the nursery room. As soon as we get things cleaned up and put away I'll post before and after pictures of the room for you all to see. He's been such an angel, so kind and helpful (in his own way haha) I sure picked the perfect partner. He's going to be the greatest dad to little McKenna.

Update time!

Total weight gain/loss: Same place, 16lbs until I get weighed again Monday.

Maternity clothes: Stretchy shirts and pants hahahah

Stretch marks: Nothing new- they are there but not new haha

Best moment this wk: My NST's at the hospital. I get to see and hear McKenna every 3 days!

Miss anything: I miss not being so sluggish. I feel like a slow lump all day long but I'm still working and it's great!

Movement: Absolutely, she's getting stronger and stronger every day!

Food cravings: Nothing specific. I've gone back to feeling that I would rather drink something than physically eat anything. Obviously I'm doing just fine getting my nutrients haha

Anything making you queasy or sick: Some smells are irritating again but nothing bad like before.

 Symptoms: Since McKenna turned, I have to pee EVERYTIME I stand up because of the pressure she's putting on my bladder but it's ALL worth it. Every little thing!

Have you started to show yet: I sure am, no question lol

Gender: It's a girl! And her name is McKenna Lee

 

Labor signs: Little feelings of tightness here and there, very very mild Braxton Hicks.

Belly Button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Eh. I have my moments like always. We'll see how that goes this week.

Looking forward to: My perinatologist appointment tomorrow! He'll be able to tell us everything. Her percentiles, her measurements, her weight, her umbilical blood flow. There's sooo much they can do now and I'm sure blessed to have the opportunity to meet with Dr Bruce.

32 Weeks! So many changes coming!

Another week come and gone! This last week was fantastic! We celebrated our baby shower this last Saturday and it couldn't have been better timing but I'll get to that in a sec :)

We had a great turn out of friends and family and we were so thankful to have had all of you who were able to make it. I'll get pictures up soon- maybe today, maybe tomorrow HAHA sometime soon :)

Well today we had our next appointment and all is great! Dr Prema is very happy with all my vitals and McKenna's growth. She turned almost a month ago and has stayed put. Dr Prema also feels she's between 3.5-4 lbs.

So about the perfect timing about having already had our baby shower, I'm starting my Non Stress Tests (NST) tomorrow and from now until McKenna is born I will be at Huntington Hospital twice a week being monitored to make sure all stays well with me and McKenna. I will also be seeing my perinatologist a couple more times until McKenna is born and seeing Dr Prema in two more weeks then one more time in two weeks and then weekly after that I believe- So I will be on major baby watching/preparing time until she decides to make an entrance.

As long as everything stays stable during my NST's Dr Prema would like me to go into labor naturally. We are aiming and praying for at least 37 weeks and again if anything should come up closer to her due date, I will be induced about 37/38 weeks along.

James and I are anxious and excited to meet McKenna and I'm actually really excited to get to see her and hear her heart beat every few days up until her birthday!!!!!

Status Update

Total weight gain/loss: Today I got weighed in with a one pound gain, BUT I had my boots on. James just laughed at me when I said that, but those things are heavy ;)

Maternity clothes: Stretchy shirts and pants hahahah

Stretch marks: Nothing new- they are there but not new haha

Best moment this wk: Our baby shower! It was so much fun to have our family together.

Miss anything: I miss being able to breathe. I've been sick, well, with a sinus infection- for over a week now and it's hard to sleep when you can't breathe. I continued on the path of only a few hours of sleep a night because once I woke up unable to breathe I couldn't let myself go back. :/

Movement: Absolutely, I'm beyond thankful for all the movement. It keeps me sane, because when she's not moving I go crazy until she moves again lol

Food cravings: It's been starbucks lately. UGH coffee/caffeine free drinks but this is so weird for me because I've never been into starbucks before....

Anything making you queasy or sick: Some smells are irritating again but nothing bad like before.

 Symptoms: Since McKenna turned, I have to pee EVERYTIME I stand up because of the pressure she's putting on my bladder but it's ALL worth it. Every little thing!

Have you started to show yet: I sure am, no question lol

Gender: It's a girl! And her name is McKenna Lee

Labor signs: None at all, good thing!

Belly Button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Back to both- some specific triggers to my moodiness but I've also been fighting off a cold for 2 weeks which makes it hard to be happy also- hard, not impossible haha

Looking forward to: Learning how my non stress tests will be! Getting to see and hear McKenna twice a week!

31 weeks. Uncharted territory

HEY!!!! 31 weeks!!!
This last week was hard but very thrilling for me. Yesterday was exactly how far along I was when I delivered Wyatt. Today is the furthest I've ever been pregnant. This is weird to me. Strange and exciting. I'm thankful everyday for McKenna and I just cannot wait to meet her!!! I can't believe how fast this whole pregnancy is going, again fast but slow.

I can't help but be sad when I think about how far along I am and that I should have a 9 month old little boy right now. But had things gone differently, we wouldn't be expecting McKenna. How special she must be to have a brother love her and us so much that he would trade her places.

James and I are truly blessed, but there are so many people who wouldn't see it that way because of the loss we have suffered. I'm so thankful to have the family that I have and I can't wait to hold McKenna and introduce her to the world and the rest of her family who are so anxious to meet her!!!

Times are tough, but worth the ups and downs. Like I've said before, we all have our mountains to climb. Some harder than others and at different points in our lives but we are all climbing.

STATUS UPDATE

Total weight gain/loss: So far still at 15lbs total

Maternity clothes: Stretchy shirts and pants hahahah

Stretch marks: Nothing new- they are there but not new haha

Best moment this wk: Constant baby movement!! She's a mover, like her brother!

Miss anything: Sleep. It's been so hard to actually fall asleep, then I get so uncomfortable with my leg pains and sore muscles that I can't stay still long enough and I've been waking up every day between 3-4am on top of that. Everyone just tells me it's my body getting used to how it will be having a baby in the house but WHATEVER. If the pains go away I'm not afraid of the lack of sleep because right now this sucks.

Movement: Absolutely, I'm beyond thankful for all the movement. It keeps me sane, because when she's not moving I go crazy until she moves again lol

Food cravings: It's been starbucks lately. UGH coffee/caffeine free drinks but this is so weird for me because I've never been into starbucks before....

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing specific.

 Symptoms: Serious round ligament pain. I'm really hurting when I walk, sit or stand too long. Sciatica is back- and sharp shooting pains in my leg at random times- hence lack of sleep HAHA

Have you started to show yet: I sure am, no question lol

Gender: It's a girl! And her name is McKenna Lee

Labor signs: None at all, good thing!

Belly Button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Back to both- some specific triggers to my moodiness but I've also been fighting off a cold for 2 weeks which makes it hard to be happy also- hard, not impossible haha

Looking forward to: The baby shower!!!!! It's this weekend and I'm so excited to just celebrate McKenna!

OMG 30 weeks!!

Another great week has come and gone and I couldn't be happier! No accidents or falls, no pains or problems, everything is going great so far!!

We went to the Dr today and she's so happy with how everything looks! McKenna has turned, I have no symptoms of any kind (besides pregnancy haha) blood pressure is perfect, weight gain isn't out of control- I guess- HAHA. Really nothing to complain about!

Wow, 30 weeks. AHHH yay! There is one thing on my mind about this all though. Sunday will be exactly how far along I was when I delivered Wyatt. I know this week is going to be rough for me but I'm so thankful to have had as much time as I did with Wyatt and I'm extra blessed to now have McKenna. The feelings leave me torn, but it's all worth it in the end. To have such a blessed angel watching over us and his new baby sister soon to make her debut. It's hard to think back and see how I felt right after losing Wyatt and feeling that I would never get better, and thinking about how I feel now. It's a whole new life that I live and a whole new love that I feel and it wouldn't be the same. Obviously still I would give anything to have Wyatt here with us but again, it's not my plan but it is my life and I have to keep going and fighting.

McKenna is a special spirit and I can't wait to hold her and teach her about her big brother who watches and protects her.

* just a side note, I'm writing all this while James is watching Tombstone and quoting the whole movie. Wyatt Earp is who our Wyatt was named after. Oh jeeze.

Status update!

Total weight gain/loss: Alright, after today I'm at a 15 lb total gain :/

Maternity clothes: I've been loving my stretchy shirts and leggings and maternity jeans  :)

Stretch marks: Nothing new-

Best moment this wk: Constant baby movement!! She's a mover, like her brother!

Miss anything: Restless sleep :)

Movement: Absolutely, I'm beyond thankful for all the movement. It keeps me sane, because when she's not moving I go crazy until she moves again lol

Food cravings: Sweet now, weird- and crunchy and fruity and cold

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing specific.

 Symptoms: Serious round ligament pain. I'm really hurting when I walk, sit or stand too long.

Have you started to show yet: I sure am, no question lol

Gender: It's a girl! And her name is McKenna Lee

Labor signs: None at all, good thing!

Belly Button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or Moody most of the time: I've been moody... yup yup, good luck to those of you closest to me muahahaha

Looking forward to: The baby shower!!!!!

29 weeks

Another week has come and gone!!! Nothing too exciting this week, just work and work and a little more work but that's just fine. Slow and steady is all I can ask for. Just praying for time to keep flying by.

Status update :)

Total weight gain/loss: I'm at the same total 13lbs :/

Maternity clothes: I've been loving my stretchy shirts and leggings and maternity jeans  :)

Stretch marks: Nothing new-

Best moment this wk: Constant baby movement!! She's a mover, like her brother!

Miss anything: Restless sleep :)

Movement: Absolutely, I'm beyond thankful for all the movement. It keeps me sane, because when she's not moving I go crazy until she moves again lol

Food cravings: Sweet now, weird- and crunchy and fruity and cold

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing specific.

 Symptoms: Serious round ligament pain. I'm really hurting when I walk, sit or stand too long.

Have you started to show yet: I sure am, no question lol

Gender: It's a girl! And her name is McKenna Lee

Labor signs: None at all, good thing!

Belly Button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or Moody most of the time: I've been moody... yup yup, good luck to those of you closest to me muahahaha

Looking forward to: The baby shower, it's coming up soon! Next week is my last regular dr's app and then we start the non stress tests which will be awesome since then I get to see McKenna every week until she arrives and then I'll know that all is well and she will get here safely and when she's ready.