I'm just about 6 months into this third pregnancy now and it seems to have been the fastest yet. (Given, I have a few more months left to go...) So far, all has been great! We have Kaiser insurance currently, so I needed to get to know a new team and OB. Everything has been going smoothly. I'm monitored like crazy, lots of base line testing, questions, appointments, ultrasounds, but nothing I wouldn't do to get this new little stinker here safely to our family.
I've been torn this entire pregnancy about predicting whether the new baby was a boy or girl, mostly comparing this one to my previous pregnancies of both genders. I've been nauseous like crazy (McKenna), beyond fatigued (Wyatt), ridiculously irritable lol (both), no strange cravings (both), and a few other symptoms that are not very telling. Either way, we know we are blessed to be receiving another little stinker who will definitely belong to our growing family.
At least we know that who ever joins our family is going to be exactly who they should be :-) regardless boy or girl we are absolutely in the position of a win/win!
We have been helping McKenna recognize these new changes coming her way and she responds as if she understands lol. She has such a caring and helpful demeanor. She's loving and sweet. She loves her little babies, feeds them, cleans them, and puts them to sleep. I only pray some of these traits will translate well once her real baby arrives :-)
Well, after everything I made you read here's the news you've all been waiting for! McKenna is going to a big sister to a baby BROTHER! I'm so happy, elated, nervous and scared beyond belief to be expecting a second little boy but I know my Heavenly Father is watching over me and my family, he has put amazing doctors in my path and I know all will be well.
What a strange feeling it is. I have my lovely anxiety that keeps me from accepting and settling my worries that everything will be great, just because of my first experience with Wyatt. I can't even begin to explain it all at the moment anyway. I take everything a day at a time and just hope to do the best I can. I've been blessed beyond words to have been given the opportunity to be a mother and I do not take it for granted. Thank you all for your thoughts and words of support. You truly make me feel loved.
Friday, February 6, 2015
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Here's looking at 2, kid
Two years ago today, James and I were told we had lost our baby boy.
Two years ago today, our world came crashing down around us.
Two years ago today, we learned that we were stronger than anything we had ever known.
Two years ago today, we were changed forever.
I wish I had the right words all of the time. It's so hard to explain yourself to people who just have no clue what's going on behind the curtain. There may be something greater at work than you could even begin to imagine. I've had to collect myself and better myself to give my husband and daughter the wife and mother they deserve.
I cannot and will not forget Wyatt. He is me, he has my heart, he is waiting for me. I need to remember him while I give of my self wholly to my husband and daughter. This has been the hardest obstacle because I grieve daily, in all moments and it's hard. It is hard to be happy all of the time with this hole in my heart but I'm trying and it's exhausting.
Over time, it has been hard to hold in the pieces, these pieces will always be broken. It's like holding on to a shattered mirror that is still in place. You can see yourself in a thousand reflections and you know all of the pieces are there, just broken. But this is what I have to do for the rest of my life until we meet again. I don't want to sound so negative but it's all the truth. I'm working on it :)
We have come so far these last two years and we have been blessed to have welcomed McKenna into our family. I'm so grateful to my Heavenly Father for this opportunity. I know there are families trying so hard for their own rainbow baby and I'm thankful everyday for this miracle. I have learned so much, I have grown so much, I have changed so much. I'm not the same person I once was but I feel I'm a better person now. I see things differently and I have learned what is most important for me and my family's well being. Imagine how I'll feel 20 years from now!
I hope to have happier feelings written down as time goes on. It's still just too new....
Wyatt means so much to us and he has taught us to love. He has taught us patience. I am a better mom today for McKenna because of him.
Thank you Wyatt for making me a mother. Happy Birthday angel.
Two years ago today, our world came crashing down around us.
Two years ago today, we learned that we were stronger than anything we had ever known.
Two years ago today, we were changed forever.
I wish I had the right words all of the time. It's so hard to explain yourself to people who just have no clue what's going on behind the curtain. There may be something greater at work than you could even begin to imagine. I've had to collect myself and better myself to give my husband and daughter the wife and mother they deserve.
I cannot and will not forget Wyatt. He is me, he has my heart, he is waiting for me. I need to remember him while I give of my self wholly to my husband and daughter. This has been the hardest obstacle because I grieve daily, in all moments and it's hard. It is hard to be happy all of the time with this hole in my heart but I'm trying and it's exhausting.
Over time, it has been hard to hold in the pieces, these pieces will always be broken. It's like holding on to a shattered mirror that is still in place. You can see yourself in a thousand reflections and you know all of the pieces are there, just broken. But this is what I have to do for the rest of my life until we meet again. I don't want to sound so negative but it's all the truth. I'm working on it :)
We have come so far these last two years and we have been blessed to have welcomed McKenna into our family. I'm so grateful to my Heavenly Father for this opportunity. I know there are families trying so hard for their own rainbow baby and I'm thankful everyday for this miracle. I have learned so much, I have grown so much, I have changed so much. I'm not the same person I once was but I feel I'm a better person now. I see things differently and I have learned what is most important for me and my family's well being. Imagine how I'll feel 20 years from now!
I hope to have happier feelings written down as time goes on. It's still just too new....
Wyatt means so much to us and he has taught us to love. He has taught us patience. I am a better mom today for McKenna because of him.
Thank you Wyatt for making me a mother. Happy Birthday angel.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Wait, what? A YEAR already?!?!!
Holy smokes! A year ago tonight, at this time, I was checked in and waiting for the arrival of our beautiful baby girl.
The journey of this last year has been more difficult than I would like to write all about. I cannot believe what we had lived through, cried through, put everyone else through, just to get to this moment to see our very special and beyond blessed little baby girl McKenna Lee Lamason reach her first birthday!
I am thankful every day that my Heavenly Father entrusted me with this beautiful spirit. To let me be her mother. To enjoy her giggles, to experience her milestones, to encourage her to try new things. All in this first year! I am exploding with excitement to see what the rest of her growing years will bring our way.
It has been much more difficult emotionally than I can put into words. Every moment that goes by is a reminder of my precious angel that is not here on this Earth with me. It has been hard watching her grow wondering what it would have been like to have both of them surrounding me. I know all will be well, and that we will be together again, but it doesn't make it easier.
I am grateful for the learning experiences I gained because of Wyatt. I am thankful for things I would have never experienced without knowing his loss.
I don't want to make anyone sad, I don't want to make myself sad but it's the truth.
I want to be the best mom I can be for them.
I can't believe how quickly time has gone, how much more I have learned. How much more I have ever pushed myself. Realizing how much more there is to learn and again realizing you never really know....
It is hard for me to write about how much I love my daughter, knowing how much I love my son and not being able to write the same things about him. I almost feel like I'm cheating him, even though I'm not. I don't want to ever express that because I don't mention him every day or to everyone that I'm not always thinking of him. He is the biggest part of who I am today and the reason I am and will be the BEST mom I can possibly be for McKenna.
My baby girl means everything to be and I'm the lucky one to be able to call her my daughter.
The journey of this last year has been more difficult than I would like to write all about. I cannot believe what we had lived through, cried through, put everyone else through, just to get to this moment to see our very special and beyond blessed little baby girl McKenna Lee Lamason reach her first birthday!
I am thankful every day that my Heavenly Father entrusted me with this beautiful spirit. To let me be her mother. To enjoy her giggles, to experience her milestones, to encourage her to try new things. All in this first year! I am exploding with excitement to see what the rest of her growing years will bring our way.
It has been much more difficult emotionally than I can put into words. Every moment that goes by is a reminder of my precious angel that is not here on this Earth with me. It has been hard watching her grow wondering what it would have been like to have both of them surrounding me. I know all will be well, and that we will be together again, but it doesn't make it easier.
I am grateful for the learning experiences I gained because of Wyatt. I am thankful for things I would have never experienced without knowing his loss.
I don't want to make anyone sad, I don't want to make myself sad but it's the truth.
I want to be the best mom I can be for them.
I can't believe how quickly time has gone, how much more I have learned. How much more I have ever pushed myself. Realizing how much more there is to learn and again realizing you never really know....
It is hard for me to write about how much I love my daughter, knowing how much I love my son and not being able to write the same things about him. I almost feel like I'm cheating him, even though I'm not. I don't want to ever express that because I don't mention him every day or to everyone that I'm not always thinking of him. He is the biggest part of who I am today and the reason I am and will be the BEST mom I can possibly be for McKenna.
My baby girl means everything to be and I'm the lucky one to be able to call her my daughter.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Just a quick catch up
Today is June 27th. One year since Wyatt's official due date.
It's hard every day that I'm awake but I am thankful to my Heavenly Father for my BEAUTIFUL daughter. She's the best thing in the whole world and her daddy and I are SOOOO happy to have her and to see her smile every single day. She's amazing and worth all the pain and struggle to have gotten her here.
I always say the same things now every time I write but I can't imagine my feelings changing :)
McKenna is going on 15 weeks (3 1/2 months) and I can't believe how much she has really grown in that short amount of time. She goes to the dr in a couple weeks so I'll be able to give you her update after that appointment.
I have to be honest, I miss being pregnant and if I could afford it I probably would have another one right now LOL but that's NOT going to happen so hold off on your comments good or bad HAHAHA
I'm just so thrilled to soak up all the time we have with McKenna and enjoy every single giggle and dirty diaper surprisingly :) It's all wonderful and amazing and exciting and tiring and stressful wrapped up into one.
Looking at my daughter really puts it all into perspective and it's all the cliché things your parents may have told you as you grew up. SHOCKER haha but it's all true and the way you feel love COMPLETELY changes when you look at your child for the first time. Even from the first ultrasound to the moment you hear their first cry to the first time they look at you and have recognition in their stare. It's all amazing and beautiful and wonderful and painful.
I continue to miss my son with every smile and cry from McKenna because I know I lost the opportunity to see and hear these things from him here on this earth but I continue to be grateful for the knowledge that I will see him and be with him again one day. Life sucks sometimes but there is always at least ONE thing to be thankful for and to live for, so be thankful if you can list MANY things that you can be thankful for because there is always someone facing more difficult struggles.
Enjoy every breath, every sunrise, every smile from a stranger- be that strange smile hehe
Love everyone and take a breath. It's not as hard as it seems. (easier said than done)
It's hard every day that I'm awake but I am thankful to my Heavenly Father for my BEAUTIFUL daughter. She's the best thing in the whole world and her daddy and I are SOOOO happy to have her and to see her smile every single day. She's amazing and worth all the pain and struggle to have gotten her here.
I always say the same things now every time I write but I can't imagine my feelings changing :)
McKenna is going on 15 weeks (3 1/2 months) and I can't believe how much she has really grown in that short amount of time. She goes to the dr in a couple weeks so I'll be able to give you her update after that appointment.
I have to be honest, I miss being pregnant and if I could afford it I probably would have another one right now LOL but that's NOT going to happen so hold off on your comments good or bad HAHAHA
I'm just so thrilled to soak up all the time we have with McKenna and enjoy every single giggle and dirty diaper surprisingly :) It's all wonderful and amazing and exciting and tiring and stressful wrapped up into one.
Looking at my daughter really puts it all into perspective and it's all the cliché things your parents may have told you as you grew up. SHOCKER haha but it's all true and the way you feel love COMPLETELY changes when you look at your child for the first time. Even from the first ultrasound to the moment you hear their first cry to the first time they look at you and have recognition in their stare. It's all amazing and beautiful and wonderful and painful.
I continue to miss my son with every smile and cry from McKenna because I know I lost the opportunity to see and hear these things from him here on this earth but I continue to be grateful for the knowledge that I will see him and be with him again one day. Life sucks sometimes but there is always at least ONE thing to be thankful for and to live for, so be thankful if you can list MANY things that you can be thankful for because there is always someone facing more difficult struggles.
Enjoy every breath, every sunrise, every smile from a stranger- be that strange smile hehe
Love everyone and take a breath. It's not as hard as it seems. (easier said than done)
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Time flies when you're having fun!!!
It has been a while since my last post- 6weeks exactly HAHA
Wow, McKenna is 10 weeks old today and I can't believe it! I look at that gorgeous face everyday and still can't even believe that she's here and she's mine! Wow, has Heavenly Father blessed me or what. I'm not sure all of what I can remember of the last 6 weeks but it has been an adventure that's for sure. Learning and growing and watching this little miracle change right before our eyes.
McKenna had her first Dr visit at 8 days old. Everything was great she was the same weight, 6lbs 4 oz but had grown half and inch. She had amazing pictures taken by Julie Andress at 11 days old and her belly button cord thingy fell off at 12 days.
I only had a couple weeks experience with Zombie Mom and I don't want to come across as anything but straight forward but Holy Smokes! We have a sleeper on our hands. Once we figured out her chronic congestion, McKenna has slept through the night (6-9 hours) since 3 weeks old! We have a couple nights here and there where she'll sleep a few hours and wake up because of her congestion or being cold but this is the best blessing I could have ever asked for. I'm telling you, Heavenly Father couldn't have sent a sweeter, more awesomely amazing spirit to James and me. It's not easy don't get me wrong, there are still times where I know only experience will help me get through some things but I'm just so thankful for this earthy angel. I still cry in frustration when I can't figure out what's bothering her but I think this is just New Mom Worries.
McKenna caught a cold about 6 weeks old and an eye infection at 7 weeks so she had a second Dr appointment between the regular physicals. He said there was nothing to worry about. She had her 2 month check up just before 9 weeks old and received 4 vaccinations. One orally and 3 injections. That was so hard to get through but I didn't cry! I wanted to but I didn't. She was a trooper. She did get a bit of a fever that lasted a couple days but was such a happy baby girl through it all- we knew all would be well. She smiled through her days of healing. This was the only time we were up with her more often through the night because of her discomfort. I would rock her to sleep and as soon as I laid her down she would wake up and fuss. Poor baby just wanted to be held. Of course I obliged and fell asleep many times in the rocker with her.
In this time we celebrated Wyatt's first birthday. That was the day McKenna reached 6 weeks old. I had a difficult few days surrounding his birthday. As I expected, but everything was ok. I was/am thankful to have a beautiful baby girl, who shares her brother's features, who smiles at me all day everyday reminding me (bittersweet) of the beautiful heavenly angel waiting for me in Heaven.
The way it all worked out, we blessed McKenna on the first anniversary of Wyatt's burial. I feel it too was a bittersweet day because of our remembrance, but it gave us something wonderful to remember as well. It also happens to be Cinco De Mayo haha. Oh man...
Anyway. That same weekend is also a happy time because James' sister Christy and my brother Billy celebrate birthdays on the 3rd and 4th of May, respectively, and it was just a good weekend to have all of our family celebrating something in one way or another all together. This year Billy turned 16 and was ordained a Priest in our church on the same day as McKenna's blessing so it worked out perfectly to have our family visit from Arizona. 2 birds, one stone hahahhaha
We were able to celebrate Mothers Day with more smiles than tears this year. It was difficult for me because I wanted to just be as happy as I could but unless you have felt this loss it's hard to understand and you'll never know (and I continue to pray that no one will ever have too) but- I will never be 100% happy. There is a part of my heart and James' heart waiting for us in heaven and we will never be 100% here on this earth. We are happy and we feel happiness but that's not what I'm saying. With these milestones and celebrations, we know we are missing our son and nothing will feel normal until we are together again. I can't seem to get the words across like I would like to so I'm hoping this makes sense in some way.
I did receive a wonderful gift from my amazing husband though. Besides McKenna-lol- James spent months trying to get this put together for me without my finding out- and I didn't even have a clue. I opened it and burst into tears. This was the most thoughtful gift he has ever given me in out 15 years of friendship, 9 years of dating, and almost 3 years of marriage. (he's given me some amazing things but this was by far my favorite) James took all my posts that I have been writing in my blog since losing Wyatt and had a book made for me. It ends with my post about McKenna's delivery and he specifically did it so McKenna could have the story of her brother, and why her parents love her as much as they do. I hope it becomes some cool treasure that is found at the bottom of a closet that belongs to my great great great grandchildren sometime in the future when people live on mars or something. I hope to continue my posts and keep up with his idea and have a library of family history. I'm just doing my part :)
Anyway. I know so much has happened and changed and I hope to continue to write as often as I am able.
I started back to work the day after Wyatt's birthday and I spend all my free time with McKenna of course and the days just fly by. It's hard to find the time to stop and write what I can remember but I need to make the effort. It's midnight now and McKenna is peacefully sleeping. She's just the best and I'm just overjoyed. She has grown so much already- This past week she's been fighting to sit up, she can't even completely stabilize her head but she wants to sit up haha. Oh man how quickly they learn, she's going to be a stubborn one who develops way too quickly and gives her parents and grandparents heart attacks and she's just so beautiful- her dad already has plans to lock her away and hide her from boys. I can't wait to play out this adventure and see where life takes us!!!!
Wow, McKenna is 10 weeks old today and I can't believe it! I look at that gorgeous face everyday and still can't even believe that she's here and she's mine! Wow, has Heavenly Father blessed me or what. I'm not sure all of what I can remember of the last 6 weeks but it has been an adventure that's for sure. Learning and growing and watching this little miracle change right before our eyes.
McKenna had her first Dr visit at 8 days old. Everything was great she was the same weight, 6lbs 4 oz but had grown half and inch. She had amazing pictures taken by Julie Andress at 11 days old and her belly button cord thingy fell off at 12 days.
I only had a couple weeks experience with Zombie Mom and I don't want to come across as anything but straight forward but Holy Smokes! We have a sleeper on our hands. Once we figured out her chronic congestion, McKenna has slept through the night (6-9 hours) since 3 weeks old! We have a couple nights here and there where she'll sleep a few hours and wake up because of her congestion or being cold but this is the best blessing I could have ever asked for. I'm telling you, Heavenly Father couldn't have sent a sweeter, more awesomely amazing spirit to James and me. It's not easy don't get me wrong, there are still times where I know only experience will help me get through some things but I'm just so thankful for this earthy angel. I still cry in frustration when I can't figure out what's bothering her but I think this is just New Mom Worries.
McKenna caught a cold about 6 weeks old and an eye infection at 7 weeks so she had a second Dr appointment between the regular physicals. He said there was nothing to worry about. She had her 2 month check up just before 9 weeks old and received 4 vaccinations. One orally and 3 injections. That was so hard to get through but I didn't cry! I wanted to but I didn't. She was a trooper. She did get a bit of a fever that lasted a couple days but was such a happy baby girl through it all- we knew all would be well. She smiled through her days of healing. This was the only time we were up with her more often through the night because of her discomfort. I would rock her to sleep and as soon as I laid her down she would wake up and fuss. Poor baby just wanted to be held. Of course I obliged and fell asleep many times in the rocker with her.
In this time we celebrated Wyatt's first birthday. That was the day McKenna reached 6 weeks old. I had a difficult few days surrounding his birthday. As I expected, but everything was ok. I was/am thankful to have a beautiful baby girl, who shares her brother's features, who smiles at me all day everyday reminding me (bittersweet) of the beautiful heavenly angel waiting for me in Heaven.
The way it all worked out, we blessed McKenna on the first anniversary of Wyatt's burial. I feel it too was a bittersweet day because of our remembrance, but it gave us something wonderful to remember as well. It also happens to be Cinco De Mayo haha. Oh man...
Anyway. That same weekend is also a happy time because James' sister Christy and my brother Billy celebrate birthdays on the 3rd and 4th of May, respectively, and it was just a good weekend to have all of our family celebrating something in one way or another all together. This year Billy turned 16 and was ordained a Priest in our church on the same day as McKenna's blessing so it worked out perfectly to have our family visit from Arizona. 2 birds, one stone hahahhaha
We were able to celebrate Mothers Day with more smiles than tears this year. It was difficult for me because I wanted to just be as happy as I could but unless you have felt this loss it's hard to understand and you'll never know (and I continue to pray that no one will ever have too) but- I will never be 100% happy. There is a part of my heart and James' heart waiting for us in heaven and we will never be 100% here on this earth. We are happy and we feel happiness but that's not what I'm saying. With these milestones and celebrations, we know we are missing our son and nothing will feel normal until we are together again. I can't seem to get the words across like I would like to so I'm hoping this makes sense in some way.
I did receive a wonderful gift from my amazing husband though. Besides McKenna-lol- James spent months trying to get this put together for me without my finding out- and I didn't even have a clue. I opened it and burst into tears. This was the most thoughtful gift he has ever given me in out 15 years of friendship, 9 years of dating, and almost 3 years of marriage. (he's given me some amazing things but this was by far my favorite) James took all my posts that I have been writing in my blog since losing Wyatt and had a book made for me. It ends with my post about McKenna's delivery and he specifically did it so McKenna could have the story of her brother, and why her parents love her as much as they do. I hope it becomes some cool treasure that is found at the bottom of a closet that belongs to my great great great grandchildren sometime in the future when people live on mars or something. I hope to continue my posts and keep up with his idea and have a library of family history. I'm just doing my part :)
Anyway. I know so much has happened and changed and I hope to continue to write as often as I am able.
I started back to work the day after Wyatt's birthday and I spend all my free time with McKenna of course and the days just fly by. It's hard to find the time to stop and write what I can remember but I need to make the effort. It's midnight now and McKenna is peacefully sleeping. She's just the best and I'm just overjoyed. She has grown so much already- This past week she's been fighting to sit up, she can't even completely stabilize her head but she wants to sit up haha. Oh man how quickly they learn, she's going to be a stubborn one who develops way too quickly and gives her parents and grandparents heart attacks and she's just so beautiful- her dad already has plans to lock her away and hide her from boys. I can't wait to play out this adventure and see where life takes us!!!!
Monday, April 8, 2013
One month later! visitors and going back to work WOW that was fast
McKenna will be one month old tomorrow morning!!!
I can't believe how fast all of this is flying by, all of it- everything! wow I mean WOW :)
We are just so happy and in love, McKenna means the world to us and we just absolutely adore this little girl. She's such a blessing and a miracle. Honestly and truly she's just fantastic and I really feel everything about McKenna and my pregnancy with her was just wonderful. Heavenly Father really was looking out for me on this one. I don't want to sound entitled or anything else along those lines but, I felt I deserved a wonderful and blessed pregnancy this time around and a beautiful healthy baby girl. He gave me a "fast" and healthy pregnancy, equally fast and relatively worry free delivery, and a WONDERFUL baby girl who is beginning to sleep well, eats well, and is just honestly the best baby in the world! I know we all feel this way about our new babies but man o'mighty I'm just sooo thankful that McKenna is the way she is but I think she's definitely going to make up for all of her current greatness in her upcoming teenage years ;)
It has been hard, don't get me wrong, the lack of sleep and the every 2 hour feedings and the squealing/screaming while changing her diapers because we have to undress her to get to her diaper (duh lol) because she hates being cold- HAHA but she calms down fairly quickly and lets us move her around and be as loud as we need and nothing disturbs her as long as she's clean and dry and full. All of the "negative" things are just absolutely worth it when you have in your arms everything you have ever been waiting for. I'm just so blessed. Beyond blessed and I couldn't be happier. I have the best, most supportive husband and family who are all there for anything that McKenna and I may need and life is just great.
Now that McKenna has reached one month old, I am more comfortable with the idea of people coming to visit this little beauty :) I'm only asking that we keep visits short since she hasn't been around many people and I don't want to alter her eating schedule- so please don't be offended if she needs to eat, that will end up cutting visits even shorter :/ mornings and early afternoons are best for us in the next couple weeks BECAUSE I'm hoping to start slowly back to work after McKenna is 6 weeks old! This is a big deal for me, I'm both thrilled and scared about it but I know we need to adjust to having a baby and being working parents. SOO thankful for family- and my mom specifically- so close that are available to watch this precious princess while we are away.
Speaking of 6 weeks old. On that day, it will also be Wyatt's birthday. One year already. This has been so hard, the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I don't even know what more to say right now about it. McKenna is crying a little right now as I'm typing and I'm sitting here crying torn tears. Tears of sadness because I never got to hear my precious angel Wyatt cry and tears of joy because I've been blessed with the opportunity to hear my precious angel McKenna cry.
I may not know what's in store for my family in the future but I'm grateful to know that families really are forever and that we can eventually be together again and hold Wyatt again in our arms.
I can't believe how fast all of this is flying by, all of it- everything! wow I mean WOW :)
We are just so happy and in love, McKenna means the world to us and we just absolutely adore this little girl. She's such a blessing and a miracle. Honestly and truly she's just fantastic and I really feel everything about McKenna and my pregnancy with her was just wonderful. Heavenly Father really was looking out for me on this one. I don't want to sound entitled or anything else along those lines but, I felt I deserved a wonderful and blessed pregnancy this time around and a beautiful healthy baby girl. He gave me a "fast" and healthy pregnancy, equally fast and relatively worry free delivery, and a WONDERFUL baby girl who is beginning to sleep well, eats well, and is just honestly the best baby in the world! I know we all feel this way about our new babies but man o'mighty I'm just sooo thankful that McKenna is the way she is but I think she's definitely going to make up for all of her current greatness in her upcoming teenage years ;)
It has been hard, don't get me wrong, the lack of sleep and the every 2 hour feedings and the squealing/screaming while changing her diapers because we have to undress her to get to her diaper (duh lol) because she hates being cold- HAHA but she calms down fairly quickly and lets us move her around and be as loud as we need and nothing disturbs her as long as she's clean and dry and full. All of the "negative" things are just absolutely worth it when you have in your arms everything you have ever been waiting for. I'm just so blessed. Beyond blessed and I couldn't be happier. I have the best, most supportive husband and family who are all there for anything that McKenna and I may need and life is just great.
Now that McKenna has reached one month old, I am more comfortable with the idea of people coming to visit this little beauty :) I'm only asking that we keep visits short since she hasn't been around many people and I don't want to alter her eating schedule- so please don't be offended if she needs to eat, that will end up cutting visits even shorter :/ mornings and early afternoons are best for us in the next couple weeks BECAUSE I'm hoping to start slowly back to work after McKenna is 6 weeks old! This is a big deal for me, I'm both thrilled and scared about it but I know we need to adjust to having a baby and being working parents. SOO thankful for family- and my mom specifically- so close that are available to watch this precious princess while we are away.
Speaking of 6 weeks old. On that day, it will also be Wyatt's birthday. One year already. This has been so hard, the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I don't even know what more to say right now about it. McKenna is crying a little right now as I'm typing and I'm sitting here crying torn tears. Tears of sadness because I never got to hear my precious angel Wyatt cry and tears of joy because I've been blessed with the opportunity to hear my precious angel McKenna cry.
I may not know what's in store for my family in the future but I'm grateful to know that families really are forever and that we can eventually be together again and hold Wyatt again in our arms.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Mckenna is 1 week old today!
McKenna was born one week ago today! She has been such an angel in this short period of time that we have been able to get to know her :) She's amazing and fantastic and beautiful and just the best thing in the world!
Here goes McKenna's arrival story <3
We had a scheduled induction at the San Gabriel Hospital Monday night March 11th. James and I arrived at 8pm and were admitted and prepped for the impending delivery of this baby girl. I was hooked up to monitors and had blood work done and all that jazz. FINALLY about 11pm everything was ready for the nurses to administer the Pitocin. Before the medication started I was dilated to 2 cm and 80% effaced. This really isn't much at all in the labor process. Most women are stuck at this progression for weeks before they begin active labor. Knowing this, I was concerned that I would be revisiting a 36 hour labor process. Of course this was old fears and painful memories flooding me at the most inopportune time BUT you can't stop these thoughts when you are vulnerable.
I knew all was going to be great. My dad and brother gave me a blessing before we left for the hospital and James received a blessing from my dad as well. My pregnancy with McKenna was closely watched and monitored and we knew from the beginning that all would end fabulously with a gorgeous baby girl in my arms.
Thankfully as well, my contractions started on their own before the medication began- this gave me hope that things wouldn't take long. I couldn't wait to get past this and just have McKenna here and safe. As the Pitocin continued I dilated pretty quickly to 4cm and my contractions weren't too painful at that point but I did ask for some pain medication around 4 am. I can't remember what it was but the one that lasts for 2 hours... GRATEFULLY I was able to sleep for those 2 hours. With the knowledge that TODAY (Monday) was the day things would start rolling, James and I were up early and ran many last minute errands. The anticipation really kept us from being able to get that fantastic last night's sleep- but at 9 1/2 months pregnant how fantastic is your sleep anyway ;)
Pretty much like clock work, the pain of the contractions returned just after 6am. They were consistent at 2 minutes apart and getting stronger. My blood pressure was going up little by little but nothing too concerning. I was used to seeing my pressure at an average high of 120/60. Usually it was 111/56 for the majority of my pregnancy. The last couple months it would go up a point here and there. Also, you've got to love that final swelling from the IV- just saying. ANYWAY
6:30am came around and I had a strange sharp pain just off center of my stomach. Then I had to ask myself if I had lost control and peed myself or if my water just broke!?! I hadn't experienced that before so it was an interesting feeling... I woke James up and called the nurse. Then I had a couple of gushes like people say happens so I knew my water had really broken lol. The nurse was happy about that because apparently she had assumed Dr. Prema was going to have to come in and rupture it for me which would have us waiting longer for the actual delivery. As soon as the nurse confirmed I was at 8cm she called Dr Prema.
Because of my water breaking, the Pitocin was stopped and my contractions came on full force. I had asked for an epidural at this time and just after 7am I was calm and relaxed waiting for the final stretch (no pun intended haha)
My parents took my brother Billy to school and came to the hospital just after that, Dr Prema arrived about 9am and I was just over 9cm. Everything was brought in and set up- there sure were a lot of nurses and machines being moved around the room lol.
I obviously didn't know what to expect and from other women's stories and even the baby shows on TLC- many women push and push for hours. I was so afraid of that. Nothing else scared me- the pain of the contractions or anything. It was the pushing and I was scared I wouldn't be strong enough to do it.
Dr Prema said it was time and I was ready to push. I had James and my mom in the delivery room with me. This was it- it was time and McKenna would be here soon!
I pushed for 10 minutes. 10 minutes. I couldn't believe it! What an added blessing.
Just before the iconic last push Dr Prema saw McKenna's umbilical cord was around her neck. I didn't know, but when my water broke McKenna's heart rate dropped dramatically. This was because with her final drop from the bag breaking it put strain on the umbilical cord.
Because of this Dr Prema had to cut the cord and have me push fast to get this baby out and checked over. I don't think James minded not being able to cut the cord as long as his baby girl was A-OK.
They took her right away and I wasn't able to see her at first. James could see her, my mom could see her but from my position there really was only so much you could see. There were so many nurses as well that it was like a complete body wall blocking me from seeing my daughter. They moved her 3 times from one table to another then back to the first and it was McKenna's third trip from one side of the room to the other that the nurse holding her brought her to me so I could kiss her face.
I always have to share some TMI lol
With a vaginal delivery comes risk of needing stiches... I unfortunately I tore and needed 4 stiches but this was nothing compared to knowing I had just delivered a beautiful healthy baby girl. Because of these stiches James got to sit and hold McKenna first which is what I really wanted for him. I had spent the last 38 weeks with her experiencing things that he will never know. It was amazing to see him sitting there rocking his baby girl.
FINALLY after everything, EVERYTHING, I was able to hold my daughter for the first time. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I surprised myself by not crying. I fully expected my self to be a ball of tears but everything was just overwhelmingly fantastic and happy that there just wasn't room for tears.
We were in the hospital till Thursday afternoon and being released was the best and scariest feeling in the world. We knew we would finally be bringing a baby home and then again, we would be bringing a baby home! In the hospital you have everything for help at your disposal and at home it would be (technically) James and I and McKenna against the world.
It has just been amazing so far and I wonder when and what I will write about. I want to keep this up so hopefully I will find the time to just do small updates on McKenna and her progress as she learns and grows.
James and I love you all. We appreciate all your kind words, thoughts and prayers through all of our mountains that we have climbed and have yet to climb. McKenna is a blessed little girl to have so much love surrounding her. We can't wait to introduce her to everyone. She goes to her very own Dr tomorrow morning and we should have a better idea of when would be best to start slowly having people come see her. I just don't want to rush her and run the risk of her getting sick from over exposure. I'm thankful to have so many people who love me and understand. I just tend to be the one who overreacts at times and I worry more about everyone else's feelings- but I know everyone understands and no one will be mad at me for making them wait it out just a little longer to meet this precious angel.
She means the world to me and I just can't imagine life with out here. We've been home now for 4nights and it has been the best 4 nights of my life.
I'm sure there is so much more I could write but it's time to feed the baby :)
Love you guys!
Jen James and McKenna :)
Here goes McKenna's arrival story <3
We had a scheduled induction at the San Gabriel Hospital Monday night March 11th. James and I arrived at 8pm and were admitted and prepped for the impending delivery of this baby girl. I was hooked up to monitors and had blood work done and all that jazz. FINALLY about 11pm everything was ready for the nurses to administer the Pitocin. Before the medication started I was dilated to 2 cm and 80% effaced. This really isn't much at all in the labor process. Most women are stuck at this progression for weeks before they begin active labor. Knowing this, I was concerned that I would be revisiting a 36 hour labor process. Of course this was old fears and painful memories flooding me at the most inopportune time BUT you can't stop these thoughts when you are vulnerable.
I knew all was going to be great. My dad and brother gave me a blessing before we left for the hospital and James received a blessing from my dad as well. My pregnancy with McKenna was closely watched and monitored and we knew from the beginning that all would end fabulously with a gorgeous baby girl in my arms.
Thankfully as well, my contractions started on their own before the medication began- this gave me hope that things wouldn't take long. I couldn't wait to get past this and just have McKenna here and safe. As the Pitocin continued I dilated pretty quickly to 4cm and my contractions weren't too painful at that point but I did ask for some pain medication around 4 am. I can't remember what it was but the one that lasts for 2 hours... GRATEFULLY I was able to sleep for those 2 hours. With the knowledge that TODAY (Monday) was the day things would start rolling, James and I were up early and ran many last minute errands. The anticipation really kept us from being able to get that fantastic last night's sleep- but at 9 1/2 months pregnant how fantastic is your sleep anyway ;)
Pretty much like clock work, the pain of the contractions returned just after 6am. They were consistent at 2 minutes apart and getting stronger. My blood pressure was going up little by little but nothing too concerning. I was used to seeing my pressure at an average high of 120/60. Usually it was 111/56 for the majority of my pregnancy. The last couple months it would go up a point here and there. Also, you've got to love that final swelling from the IV- just saying. ANYWAY
6:30am came around and I had a strange sharp pain just off center of my stomach. Then I had to ask myself if I had lost control and peed myself or if my water just broke!?! I hadn't experienced that before so it was an interesting feeling... I woke James up and called the nurse. Then I had a couple of gushes like people say happens so I knew my water had really broken lol. The nurse was happy about that because apparently she had assumed Dr. Prema was going to have to come in and rupture it for me which would have us waiting longer for the actual delivery. As soon as the nurse confirmed I was at 8cm she called Dr Prema.
Because of my water breaking, the Pitocin was stopped and my contractions came on full force. I had asked for an epidural at this time and just after 7am I was calm and relaxed waiting for the final stretch (no pun intended haha)
My parents took my brother Billy to school and came to the hospital just after that, Dr Prema arrived about 9am and I was just over 9cm. Everything was brought in and set up- there sure were a lot of nurses and machines being moved around the room lol.
I obviously didn't know what to expect and from other women's stories and even the baby shows on TLC- many women push and push for hours. I was so afraid of that. Nothing else scared me- the pain of the contractions or anything. It was the pushing and I was scared I wouldn't be strong enough to do it.
Dr Prema said it was time and I was ready to push. I had James and my mom in the delivery room with me. This was it- it was time and McKenna would be here soon!
I pushed for 10 minutes. 10 minutes. I couldn't believe it! What an added blessing.
Just before the iconic last push Dr Prema saw McKenna's umbilical cord was around her neck. I didn't know, but when my water broke McKenna's heart rate dropped dramatically. This was because with her final drop from the bag breaking it put strain on the umbilical cord.
Because of this Dr Prema had to cut the cord and have me push fast to get this baby out and checked over. I don't think James minded not being able to cut the cord as long as his baby girl was A-OK.
They took her right away and I wasn't able to see her at first. James could see her, my mom could see her but from my position there really was only so much you could see. There were so many nurses as well that it was like a complete body wall blocking me from seeing my daughter. They moved her 3 times from one table to another then back to the first and it was McKenna's third trip from one side of the room to the other that the nurse holding her brought her to me so I could kiss her face.
I always have to share some TMI lol
With a vaginal delivery comes risk of needing stiches... I unfortunately I tore and needed 4 stiches but this was nothing compared to knowing I had just delivered a beautiful healthy baby girl. Because of these stiches James got to sit and hold McKenna first which is what I really wanted for him. I had spent the last 38 weeks with her experiencing things that he will never know. It was amazing to see him sitting there rocking his baby girl.
FINALLY after everything, EVERYTHING, I was able to hold my daughter for the first time. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I surprised myself by not crying. I fully expected my self to be a ball of tears but everything was just overwhelmingly fantastic and happy that there just wasn't room for tears.
We were in the hospital till Thursday afternoon and being released was the best and scariest feeling in the world. We knew we would finally be bringing a baby home and then again, we would be bringing a baby home! In the hospital you have everything for help at your disposal and at home it would be (technically) James and I and McKenna against the world.
It has just been amazing so far and I wonder when and what I will write about. I want to keep this up so hopefully I will find the time to just do small updates on McKenna and her progress as she learns and grows.
James and I love you all. We appreciate all your kind words, thoughts and prayers through all of our mountains that we have climbed and have yet to climb. McKenna is a blessed little girl to have so much love surrounding her. We can't wait to introduce her to everyone. She goes to her very own Dr tomorrow morning and we should have a better idea of when would be best to start slowly having people come see her. I just don't want to rush her and run the risk of her getting sick from over exposure. I'm thankful to have so many people who love me and understand. I just tend to be the one who overreacts at times and I worry more about everyone else's feelings- but I know everyone understands and no one will be mad at me for making them wait it out just a little longer to meet this precious angel.
She means the world to me and I just can't imagine life with out here. We've been home now for 4nights and it has been the best 4 nights of my life.
I'm sure there is so much more I could write but it's time to feed the baby :)
Love you guys!
Jen James and McKenna :)
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