Two years ago today, James and I were told we had lost our baby boy.
Two years ago today, our world came crashing down around us.
Two years ago today, we learned that we were stronger than anything we had ever known.
Two years ago today, we were changed forever.
I wish I had the right words all of the time. It's so hard to explain yourself to people who just have no clue what's going on behind the curtain. There may be something greater at work than you could even begin to imagine. I've had to collect myself and better myself to give my husband and daughter the wife and mother they deserve.
I cannot and will not forget Wyatt. He is me, he has my heart, he is waiting for me. I need to remember him while I give of my self wholly to my husband and daughter. This has been the hardest obstacle because I grieve daily, in all moments and it's hard. It is hard to be happy all of the time with this hole in my heart but I'm trying and it's exhausting.
Over time, it has been hard to hold in the pieces, these pieces will always be broken. It's like holding on to a shattered mirror that is still in place. You can see yourself in a thousand reflections and you know all of the pieces are there, just broken. But this is what I have to do for the rest of my life until we meet again. I don't want to sound so negative but it's all the truth. I'm working on it :)
We have come so far these last two years and we have been blessed to have welcomed McKenna into our family. I'm so grateful to my Heavenly Father for this opportunity. I know there are families trying so hard for their own rainbow baby and I'm thankful everyday for this miracle. I have learned so much, I have grown so much, I have changed so much. I'm not the same person I once was but I feel I'm a better person now. I see things differently and I have learned what is most important for me and my family's well being. Imagine how I'll feel 20 years from now!
I hope to have happier feelings written down as time goes on. It's still just too new....
Wyatt means so much to us and he has taught us to love. He has taught us patience. I am a better mom today for McKenna because of him.
Thank you Wyatt for making me a mother. Happy Birthday angel.
